50/50 custody schedules close pay gaps
Research in Spain, Sweden and our own survey found more time equality means more pay for women
How should parents split time when they break up, divorce, or otherwise live apart?
For decades, social scientists have studied various parenting schedules, and the evidence is compelling: Academic, social, emotional and dozens of other outcomes in children improve the closer the schedule is to a 50/50 split — when a child’s time is shared equally between mom and dad’s homes. Researchers know that schedule increases the likelihood of meaningful father involvement, lessens the children’s anxiety that they might lose contact with one parent (which is likely when the schedule is uneven), and increases the family, social and financial resources that come with having two meaningfully involved parents.
The science is robust: A 2023 meta-analysis of thirty-nine studies published between 2010 and 2022, with a sample size of 1.5 million, controlling for income and the presence of stepparents, found that shared parenting was nearly as beneficial to children as being raised by married, cohabiting parents.
50/50 time for separated/divorced families means more equality for ALL families
Just as compelling is that equal parenting schedules are also instruments of gender equality: Dads in such families take on not only more parenting hours, but also parenting responsibilities and emotional care, and are given the space to develop their parenting skills and bond with their kids. Unlike in ‘traditional’ separated families, in which nearly always the women take on the majority of care work, mothers in 50/50 parenting schedules have the same amount of time as fathers to work and earn — and they do. My own survey of nearly 2,300 single moms found that across income brackets, more equal time-sharing equated to more equal parenting.
This may seem to be common sense, but some recent studies have found a connection between equal custody and gender equality in Europe — and not just for the divorced parents.
In Sweden, where half of parents who live apart share parenting time equally, fathers as a whole take nearly as many days off work to care for sick children as moms, according to one study published in June.
And in Spain, where equal-parenting presumption laws were passed in five of the country's 17 regions between 2009 and 2011, today the 50/50 regions enjoy more gender equality both for the divorced parents — and married couples — with the women in those regions working and earning more, and the men working fewer hours than regions where mothers typically have the majority of parenting time.
Wrote the Swedish researchers:
"Opposite-sex couples in Sweden, and more broadly across the world, tend to fall into a manager-helper dynamics, in which the mother takes on the full administrative and mental workload and only delegates specific tasks for the father to fulfill. This is a dynamic that over time seems inevitable and impossible to break. But 50/50 living arrangements turn this kind of dynamic on its head. Because it is no longer possible to take on these heavily gendered roles – the mother cannot plan her ex’s household and the father cannot wait for it to happen – 50:50 living arrangements seem to show the way to a more gender-equal division of labour in general."
That’s right: The benefits of laws intended for divorced families spill into society at-large. After all, it’s impossible to legislate equality inside of a marriage, but these studies show it is possible to legislate equality for separated parents by way of family law policy. And it turns out, everyone wins.
50/50 more common than ever in the United States
Equal parenting is taking root in the United States — both in policy and culture. Today there are six states, which have passed laws requiring a judge to adhere to a rebuttable presumption of 50/50 parenting time. But even in states that still have the dated laws, 50/50 is swelling in pockets around the country where parents simply take it upon themselves to share parenting time and care equally — often under the advice of an attorney or family therapist, and thanks to judges who favor equal schedules. In fact, many parents I interact with erroneously believe there is a 50/50 law in their state since the culture of defaulting to 50/50 is so strong.
This is all helped along by headlines that increasingly report celebrities with 50/50 parenting schedules: Jenny Garth, Adele, Kevin Costner, Bradley Cooper some of the lesser Kardashians and Gigi Hadid. Every week my Google alerts for “50/50 parenting” ping with another famous couple who breaks up and shares parenting equally.
Advocates for equal parenting schedules — myself included — are quick to point out there should always be exceptions: parents are deployed, severe struggle with addiction or severe physical or mental health challenges, or just life.
Unequal schedules should be temporary
However, the science supporting the child development benefits — not to mention gender equality benefits — are so strong that aside from some substantiated cases of abuse, it behooves all parties involved to view setbacks as just that: temporary pauses that should be worked through with an eye towards regaining 50/50 schedules. The shift towards a divorce in which parents fight bitterly over whether mom or dad is the better parent in the name of the best interest of the child no longer stands. The science supports that equal parenting is in the best interest of the child — and the parents.
This focus on keeping a child meaningfully connected to their biological family is hardly fringe: Child welfare systems including foster care and adoption prioritize time and connection with one’s biological mom or dad, no matter how imperfect they may be, and support struggling parents with the aim of full-time care of their children.
So why are the majority of separated families still adhering to a vintage script in which one parent is designated the primary or sole parent?
Reasons include misunderstanding about attachment theory (fact: babies and children can and do attach securely to multiple caregivers of all genders) and the importance of fathers in child development (fact: dads are very important, from birth).
Single parents also have financial incentive to retain majority time in order to maximize child support and sometimes alimony. However, both of these institutions are falling away as women gain earning power and become the primary or equal breadwinners in their romantic partnerships, and separated parents increasingly work out financial care for their kids between themselves and choose not to involve courts.
Overall, the increase in equal parenting laws and practice is positive and exciting. But the United States still falls unacceptably behind northern European countries on this matter — and far behind what the behavioral science finds is best for the overwhelming majority of separated families.
Alongside the new, widespread focus on caregiving support, and addressing the struggles of men and boys, I would like to see more education about equal parenting from mental health providers, in schools (which can do more to welcome and engage fathers), faith groups and certainly the legal and judicial communities where families often receive guidance on managing their families. As individuals, we can encourage the moms and dads we know to better understand the benefits of 50/50 schedules — for the benefit of us.
