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For decades, schools have depended heavily on mothers to carry the invisible labor of family engagement: volunteering in classrooms, organizing events, joining PTAs, answering teacher emails, coordinating fundraisers, and showing up for school culture in countless ways.

This is both a gift and a burden to mothers: School volunteering can be deeply meaningful, hugely influential and also just one more gendered parenting chore.

The PTA mom cliché has taken on new meaning as emerging research on the importance of family engagement on education outcomes has heightened the call for schools to partner with caregivers. Without family involvement, educators know, children do not succeed at school.

But there is another truth schools can no longer afford to overlook: fathers specifically matter deeply to child wellbeing, and this includes at school.

Research is remarkably consistent while on this point. When fathers are positively involved in children’s education, kids are more likely to earn higher grades, have stronger attendance, show better self-control, and report higher levels of confidence and wellbeing. These benefits appear across race, income, and family structure. Multiple meta-analyses and longitudinal studies have linked father involvement with stronger academic achievement and healthier child development.

And yet, in many schools, fathers remain largely absent from everyday school life.

This is not because dads don’t care.

In fact, one of the most important emerging areas of research on family engagement focuses on a hard truth: schools and communities often unintentionally marginalize fathers, even while claiming to support caregivers and families.

That idea sits at the center of the work of Kyle Miller, a professor at Illinois State University whose research has generated some of the rare data on how schools and engage fathers and male caregivers. Miller argues that many institutions use gender-neutral language like “family engagement” while still designing programs, communication systems and school cultures primarily around mothers.

Miller writes, “To care about children is to care about families, and to care about families is to care about fathers.”

Learn more about our new nonprofit, Dads at School »

Father involvement changes outcomes

For the past half century, every facet of society — family life, education — father involvement has been treated as something positive (maybe) but optional. This is certainly been true in the emerging field of K12 family engagement.

But what is old is new again and academic research (and common sense) is now bringing us all back to the truths of what thousands of years of humanity have known:

Fathers and other male caregivers are critical to the healthy raising of both boys and girls. The lack of meaningful father involvement is so detrimental to child outcomes, linking dad absence in children’s lives to crime, addiction, poor relationship and employment outcomes and more, that there have been calls to address lacking father involvement as a public health crisis.

These findings matter because schools increasingly face challenges that cannot be solved through academics alone: chronic absenteeism, behavioral struggles, mental health concerns, loneliness, disengagement, and declining community trust.

Father engagement at schools has many benefits, and different benefits resonate differently with different audiences.

I have found that educators don’t need to be schooled on the value of father involvement. They get it. While the research is lagging what educators observe, it is not hard to understand that when there are more male teachers and parents at a school, behavior improves, more classroom attention is paid, vibes are better.

Principals and engagement officers likely have talked about promoting more father engagement at their schools, but efforts tend to fall away in the face of the many other priorities school leaders juggle.

The benefits are many, and efforts can be completely free of cost to the school:

• Schools, especially Title 1 schools, are required to track and report family engagement to qualify for federal funds. Currently, requests to parents to attend school functions or serve on volunteer committees really only reaches moms, as “caregiver” connotes “mother.”
  
  Conversely, intentionally marketing school events to male caregivers doubles the number of potential engaged caregivers. Emails, newsletters and other announcements specifically calling for dads to show up are free and powerful.

• More male caregivers at school means more resources for the school.

• Educators know that more kids’ dads are involved in school, the more they are involved in the kids’ lives overall. Father involvement is critical to child outcomes throughout a child’s life.

• More men in schools — whether as volunteers or teachers — is good for school culture, educators say.

• Boys and girls benefit from seeing men in both caring roles (reading buddies, classroom help) and leadership roles (coaching, leading projects or the PTA). Gender norms are broadened and challenged.

• Men who are actively engaged with their children’s daily lives report better psychological wellbeing, stronger identity and purpose, greater parenting confidence, and closer relationships with their children compared with less involved fathers.

• Moms overwhelmed by gendered pressure — real or perceived — to volunteer at school now feel supported by a new culture that proactively invites dads into schools. Marital discord eases. Prediction: Dads at School is responsible for closing pay gaps and reducing divorce rates!
  
  Joking aside, data is emerging that communities where equal co-parenting is the presumption enjoy more gender equality.

Schools unintentionally discourage fathers

One of the most striking findings in Miller’s research is that K–12 schools were often reported as less father-friendly than some social service agencies.

While schools do not intentionally exclude dads exclusion is real.

Communication often defaults to mothers. Parent emails may only reach one caregiver — and that is the mom. Volunteer opportunities are frequently framed in ways that signal mother participation:

Events are often scheduled during traditional work hours when more moms than dads are likely to be free.

Posters and flyers around campus disproportionately depict women.

School nurses reaching out to mothers when kids are sick, even when both parents are listed as emergency contacts.

Front desk attendants asking male caregivers: Are you legally allowed to pick up your child?

In Miller’s research, she found “small but consistent exclusions reinforce a broader cultural message: fathers are peripheral to parenting.”

That insight is critical.

Many schools assume that because they welcome families and promote family engagement fathers are obviously included. But without intentionally reaching out to male caregivers, and without specifically addressing unspoken anti-man bias at schools, men are not, in fact welcomed, and often tell me they feel unwelcome in their child’s education.

Boys especially need men in educational spaces

Boys and girls alike benefit when more men are in schools, as I wrote about as it relates to male educators. Men are underrepresented in children’s lives: in about 80% of separated families, mothers retain primary custody; roughly two-thirds of K–12 teachers — and nearly all early childhood educators — are women, and fields like social work and psychology are overwhelmingly female.

Some evidence suggests that boys especially stand to benefit from more male presence in schools, as they are more likely than girls to face school discipline, disengage academically, struggle with literacy, and report feeling disconnected from school environments.

When dads and male caregivers volunteer visibly in schools, children see men reading with students, helping in classrooms, mentoring, organizing events, coaching, listening, and participating in community life. Those experiences expand children’s understanding of gender as both boys and girls gain more time with men when their worlds are normally dominated by women. Children stand to develop healthier expectations about partnership, caregiving, and shared responsibility when they see fathers in caring roles.

Father engagement is not expensive

Too often, father engagement is reduced to novelty programming: a “Donuts with Dads” once a year, a playground cleanup investment or a gender typical role like safety patrol.

Those activities can be valuable. They are often expensive. But they are rarely enough to truly engage with male caregivers and change the culture of a school — not to mention the world!

Good news is taht meaningful progress does not necessarily large budgets, complicated bureaucracy or elaborate programming. Small, free initiatives can make a big difference to raise awareness, change perceptions and help dads feel welcome and needed.

• Personally and intentionally invite fathers and male caregivers to existing programs, lunchtime reading buddies or field trip chaperoning. You have to say the words: Dad. Father. Male caregiver.
  If the message is too inclusive, it becomes exclusive.

• Ensure communication reaches all caregivers equally. If there is a group chat or email thread for each classroom, require that two caregivers are added for each child.

• Schedule events outside traditional work hours

• Feature fathers in school newsletters and websites

• Prioritize gender equality in PTAs or other family organizations

• Create a dad’s council

• Train staff to recognize implicit assumptions about gender and caregiving

• Ask dads how they want to serve the school, then support their leadership in those initiatives

These initiatives communicate to dads and the world that fathers belong in schools too.

And once fathers begin participating visibly, involvement often becomes self-reinforcing. One engaged dad encourages another. Volunteerism spreads socially. School culture shifts. Men in schools is normalized for everyone — including dads.

Dads at Schools is committed to supporting K12 father engagement through year-round support and $1,000 grants to participating schools. Dads at Schools is free to schools, and is a 501c3 with funding from American Institute for Boys and Men.

The passing of this law also signals that there is potential for broad political will to take seriously male struggles — and votes.

Virginia’s new law is a big deal globally and elected officials and advocates are falling over each other to figure out how to make similar headlines in their jurisdictions. I’ve been involved with Virginia’s law from the beginning and am now being asked for advice on how to pass laws to support boys and men.

New! June 23 Policy Training. Virtual and Free.

“Advocating Effectively for Boys’ and Men’s Health Policy” is a free online training on June 23, 2026, from 1-3:30pm EST, delivered by the Men’s Health Caucus of the APHA. The workshop is designed for concerned professionals and community leaders to:

• Raise awareness about needs, the current political climate, and the vital role of policy

• Develop skills for effective advocacy, including messaging and organizing

• Connect with a growing national network committed to sustained advocacy action

Register: https://mhctraining. eventbrite.com/

Speakers:

• Kevin Bremond, Cofounder and Program Administrator, Alameda County Fathers Corps

• Ignacio Ferrey, MPH, MA, Fatherhood and Adolescent Services Director, Alameda County Public Health Department

• Emma Johnson, Founding Director, Virginia Coalition for Boys and Men & Executive Director of Dads at School

• Delegate Josh Thomas (D), 21st District of Virginia

• Alanna Williams, Vice President, American Institute for Boys and Men

Quick take:

1. I am not a legislative expert and never tried to be one. You are not a legislative expert so don’t try to be one. Align with a successful politician or lobbyist who knows how to pass laws.

2. To do so, learn how to communicate about mens and boys issues in a way that changes hearts and minds.

3. Be helpful. Be of service. Ask others how you can be useful to their goals.

4. Consider not focusing on the law. It is hard to change laws. Laws don’t always affect change. It is easier to sway a person’s position, which does change the world.

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My priors: For the past decade I’ve advocated for gender equality for separated families through my writing, books, media and speaking engagements. I’m often invited to testify at state hearings for equal parenting legislation — though I don’t believe those testimonies are as impactful as writing empathetically for women and mothers about why equal parenting serves them and their kids.

A few of the notes I’ve received over the years:

My role in the Virginia law: met Del. Josh Thomas (D), who would eventually sponsor the Virginia Boys and Mens Commission bill, through political volunteering. When he expressed interest in men’s issues, I shared my understanding of the potential for policy, introduced him to relevant leaders throughout the state and country, and explained what has and has not worked in recent years re: policy for men.

Success case studies: Mainstream uptake of Richard Reeves’s work including his book Of Boys and Men and subsequent $20 million grant from feminist Melinda Gates to create the American Institute for Boys and Men signals that the zeitgeist is ready to take seriously male issues.

On a state level, look to Washington state where my friend Blair Daily has for five years advocated for a boys and mens commission, while also producing heaps of quality content on the issue. Highly recommend you follow him and learn from his efforts:

Washington Initiative for Boys and Men

Advocating for improved outcomes for Washington's boys, men, and communities through original journalism (articles and videos) and grassroots political organizing, with a focus on state and local government. WIBM is led by Blair Daly.

By Blair Daly of WIBM

Failure case studies: 50 years of mostly white, male, conservative and angry advocats refusing to work collaboratively or thoughtfully to pass similar laws at state or federal levels, including laws to make 50/50 parenting presumptions is the norm — and their ham-fisted efforts handed a louder microphone to the well-organized opponents.

The good news is that now six U.S. states in the past few years have passed laws creating rebuttable presumptions of equal parenting, including Mississippi last week.

But that is a tiny number considering that today I have good reason to believe the majority of young separated parents automatically share parenting equally, even assuming 50/50 presumptions is the law in their state, even when it is not.

Equal parenting advocates continue struggle to codify what is now a cultural norm and politically popular. It’s like being unable to pass seat belt laws when 90% of drivers use seat belts and believe in seat belts and say they would vote for a candidate who supports seat belt enforcement. The problem isn’t politicians or voters, the problem is the advocates.

My position: Who cares about seat belt laws when lives are saved? If we focus on changing culture — culture already barreling towards our shared goal — why dilute that momentum with sloppy policy efforts?

But, if your goal is to get credit for passing a law, you keep fighting for the law.

This is the sort of thing I talk about to Virginia delegates interested in gender equality policy.

Early last year Josh built a legislative coalition around the bill that included the House Speaker Don Scott and Lamont Bagby, chair of the state’s Democratic Party of and Legislative Black Caucus. When that coalition held its pre-session press conference in October to announce its commitment to boys and men in Virginia, the message was clear: Virginia cares about its men. It was like a dare to say otherwise. The bill passed with a bipartisan 91-6 vote and very little media.

Meanwhile, I founded Virginia Coalition for Boys and Men. This has been a great opportunity to build consensus with leaders throughout the state and country and highlight organizations and people who have long been advancing male interests — long before doing so was a sexy political play or commercial opportunity. In that capacity I testified at a couple committee hearings and kept interested subscribers up-to-date on Substack and social media.

Since the bill’s passing I’ve been invited to speak to groups in the United States, United Kingdom and Brazil to offer advice on how to pass legislation to support boys and men.

Decide for yourself whether I qualify as an expert on policy reform.

What I do hope to bring to the movement is my experience in effective communication on the importance of men and fathers in families — and the role they play in gender equality for all of us.

I also have a lot of insight into the role lawmaking efforts can help or hurt gender equality. Advocates in this space are obsessed with policy reform. Ask them for their foundational goal and their answer is: “Change the law.” You can change the law but fail to change programs or attitudes or lives as I explain in the videos below. Policy reform is not always the right goal.

My goal in advocating for equal parenting and is to make families better. My hypothesis is that when parenting time is equal in separated families those families and their communities are better — and the data is starting to support that.

But to get families to share parenting time equally you have to effectively speak and write on the issue — in a way that connects with skeptics’ human, complicated hearts and sensible yet conflicted minds. Your job is to call opponents to their higher, loving selves.

I unpacked these ideas and more in a December presentation at the International Conference on Shared Parenting in Lisbon, Portugal: “Is the 50/50 Movement Obsolete?” based on my post of the same title.

Also, the good folks at Equi-law UK invited me to share my experience and advice:

Finally, I am sharing this recording of a recent University of Virginia symposium hosted by my friend and colleague Brad Wilcox (and Virginia Boys and Men’s Coalition member). We have no choice but to look to the tenor that Richard Reeves has set for boys and men’s issues. The founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men and Of Boys and Men author deserves credit for bringing this longtime issue to the mainstream with his nonpartisan, fact-based and love-forward framing.

This is the messaging that has broken through to the mainstream and launched the movement blossoming throughout the country, including Virginia’s state house. Watch, learn, take notes and apply it to your advocacy:

Interested in talking, sharing more or otherwise connecting? Sign up here or at Virginia Coalition for Boys and Men or shoot me an email at emma@vaboysandmen.org!

Virginia Coalition for Boys and Men

Ensuring a future for Virginia's men and boys.

By Emma Johnson

“Yes that MAGA hat makes your dick look small.”

“This administration has little-dick energy.”

Etc.

Read more

In this issue:

• Virginia to create first U.S. commission for boys and men

• Now mainstream: Women are violent, too

• Why are we pushing men into therapy?

  • Related: For men in crisis, VCU offers Feminism 101

• Higher ed is in a free-fall and this is good news for feminism

• Other stuff

  • Newly released: Audiobook for The 50/50 Solution

  • 50/50 and Black. Single. Mother the book

  • Divorce Calculator - what are your odds?

  • Celebrities and 50/50 parenting

  • Equal parenting in the news

  • Colorado, Utah and New York now enjoy 50/50 cultural presumptions!

Virginia to create first U.S. commission for boys and men

The big news in my world is that Virginia will now have the nation’s very first commission for boys and men thanks to bipartisan, 91-6 vote on a bill I’ve worked on over the past 18 months. Big credit goes to Del. Josh Thomas and I could not be more proud and excited for my state and the work we’ve done!

The nation is watching this exciting work and over the past few weeks I’ve been asked to consult on policy efforts in Massachusetts, the United Kingdom, Australia and for national groups here in the United States.

Most of my insight into policy is really about what NOT to do and what might be done instead to change culture and minds, as I laid out in a presentation I gave at the International Shared Parenting Conference in Lisbon, Portugal in December:

Now mainstream: Women are violent, too

The third rail has been crossed: the masses are waking up to the fact that women are perpetrators of intimate partner violence, too.

In recent months my algorithm has been serving up lots of content about the fact that men and women are physically, sexually and emotionally violent in nearly equal measures, but it is this week’s headlines about reality TV star Taylor Frankie being charged with assault and domestic violence that tipped this understanding into the zeitgeist.

Why are we pushing men into therapy?

Psychology is grossly dominated by women — both clinicians and researchers. Despite its status as a silver bullet for nearly any form of emotional discomfort, there is growing evidence that therapy often makes your sadness sadder, while the broader mental health industry has been complicit in medical travesties including the overprescription of SSRIs and ADHD medications, as well as the medical gender transition of children — not to mention fueling a navel-gazing culture obsessed with diagnoses, fragility, and victimhood.

All of which begs the question: If female-centered therapy is hurting us, why do we keep preaching that men get more therapy? The movement is treating men as defective women, prescribing them remedies designed for someone else. It is also looking backwards about what most of us assumed to be true and ignoring a growing popular and clinical dismay with the multi-billion dollar mental health care industry.

Related: For men in crisis, VCU offers Feminism 101

A case study in why men are uninterested therapy as a treatment or profession: Virginia Commonwealth University counseling offers its men lessons on gender ideology and the patriarchy

Higher ed is in a free-fall and this is good news for feminism

These days my favorite reading are news coverage documenting the implosion of the house of cards that is higher education. My kids are aged 16 and 18 — 10th and 12th graders — and I cannot tell you how welcome and necessary this cultural lightning bolt is, especially for upper-middle-class, white, educated parents like me who are especially guilty of perpetuating the college-prep industrial complex.

I find the demise of this monster enormously, orgasmically freeing — like popping a pimple of pent-up insanity that is now proving, finally, to have net negative outcomes for kids, schools, communities, parents and the adults those children will become. Gender equality also stands to benefit since us moms are now freed from the perceived burden of managing yet another competitive extracurricular activity.

Other stuff

Newly released: The audiobook of 50/50 Solution

The 50/50 Solution: The Surprisingly Simple Choice That Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier and Healthier After a Split. Everything you need to know about why equal parenting for separated families is best for the whole family, and how to change society and law to push it ahead.

50/50 and Black. Single. Mother the book

Culture critic Jamilah Lemieux’s new book Black. Single. Mother.: Real Life Tales of Longing and Belonging gives me/my book a nice big chunk of support and goes on to encourage readers to share parenting time 50/50 — while acknowledging how emotionally and socially messy it is for women to abdicate parenting power:

Divorce Calculator - what are your odds?

ChatGPT and I vibe coded this calculator based on divorce likelihood factors like age at marriage, cohabiting before wedding, employment, education, income, sharing of bank accounts, political and religious alignment and more. Curious what you think!

Celebrities and 50/50 parenting

Blac Chyna is doing what millions of (mostly low income, but overall a big trend) single moms do: Forgo child support for involved dads. See: Feminist success: Poor moms aren’t signing up for child support

Irina Shayk and Bradley Cooper co-parent 50/50

Equal parenting in the news

Even when parents do 50/50 schedules, dads still need support only extended to moms

Child outcomes, ranked per new study on stepparenting: 1. Married parents, 2. Divorced parents who remain single, 3. Children in remarried stepfamilies, 4. Children in cohabiting stepfamilies

Casual mentions of 50/50 co-parenting in unrelated articles, because it is now the norm: here, here, here, and here and here.

Equal parenting state updates

This journalist assumes Colorado has a 50/50 presumption. “Colorado courts start with an expectation of 50–50 parenting time ...” Great work Colorado!

A New York attorney says it is the default in his state, which it is, culturally. Good job, New York!

In Utah, law establishes minimum parent-time for non-custodial parents: alternating weekends, one evening per week, alternating holidays, and extended summer time. However, courts report 60% of recent cases result in more than minimum parent-time, with many approaching equal time. Keep it up, Utah!

PSA of the day

If you are in a marriage or cohabiting partnership and unilaterally choose not to earn money, that is financial abuse.

I take issue with Pamela Paul’s What Will Happen When All the Male Therapists Are Gone?, as like every other discussion on this topic I’ve read, she suffers from a giant blind spot:

Therapy is treated as an unquestioned social good, despite evidence that it is most often only modestly effective and frequently leaves clients worse off.

It is absolutely true that rates of male suicide are growing and outpace that of women. This is an alarming issue that requires attention.

Paul is of course correct in that psychotherapy is grossly dominated by women — both clinicians and researchers. Yet despite its status in the zeitgeist as a silver bullet for nearly any form of emotional discomfort, there is growing evidence th…

Read more

In recent months my algorithm has been serving up lots of content about the fact that men and women are physically, sexually and emotionally violent in nearly equal measures, but it is this week’s headlines about reality TV star Taylor Frankie being charged with assault and domestic violence that tipped this understanding into the zeitgeist.

While mainstream feminists have long weaponised the public assumption that men are more violent than women, I maintain that it is a very feminist stance to accept that women are full people capable of the entire spectrum of human emotion and action — not docile, impotent victims requiring special protections.

An excerpt of 2024 book, The 50/50 Solution: The Surprisingly Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier and Healthier after a Split (SOURCEBOOKS) that sheds some light on this issue, especially how it …

Read more

Yesterday Virginia Delegate Josh Thomas (D21) introduced HB1188, which:

Establishes the Virginia Boys and Men Advisory Commission as an advisory commission in the legislative branch of state government for the purpose of advising the General Assembly on the following, specifically as they concern males in the Commonwealth:

• Education inequity

• Economic opportunities

• Health outcomes

• Social media ues

HB1188 is written to be enacted this year, which will make it the first such legislatively created body in the United States.

The effort was first announced at an October event by House Speaker Don Scott, Thomas, Sen. Lamont Bagby (Senate Patron and party chair) Sen. Lashrecse Aird and Del. Michael Feggans, an event that attracted attention from national media including a Scott Galloway podcast, ABC News and American Institute for Boys and Men founder Richard Reeves.

Read the whole HB8811 announcement…

Read more

My kids are aged 15 and 17 — 10th and 12th graders — and I cannot tell you how welcome and necessary this cultural lightning bolt is, especially for upper-middle-class, white, educated parents like me who are especially guilty of perpetuating and benefiting from this crisis. I find this enormously, orgasmically freeing — like popping a pimple of pent-up insanity that is now proving, finally, to have net negative outcomes for kids, schools, communities, parents and the adults those children will become. Gender equality also stands to benefit.

So many of us have bought into the assumption that it is our right and duty to leverage everything in our power from before birth to ensure our children were on a path for maximum development of frontal lobes, elementary school resumes and sports/music/math skills with the singular end-goal of entrance into the best possible un…

Read more

It has also been featured in dozens of media outlets including the Wall Street Journal, Newsweek, Slate and in a presentation before a Scottish Parliament group.

Now you can get The 50/50 Solution in your ears via audiobook!

More about the book and media appearances:

How to support the book:

1. Buy it, silly!

2. Tell your friends (forward this email!)

3. Share on Twitter, Facebook, Substack, LinkedIn!

4. Leave a review. Bumps it up in the algorithm and drowns out the trolls. Plus, nice reviews make me feel good!

Excerpt of The 50/50 Solution:

FAQs about 50/50 Parenting

When I talk about 50/50 parenting, I get a lot of “Yeah, buts” related to specific situations. Here are my answers to the most common questions about equal parenting. Maybe they speak to your concerns, or you may use this lang…

Read more

VCU’s support services for men, however, resemble a women’s studies course more than behavioral health care. It’s a case study in how men’s health is routinely dismissed—and a glimpse into why men’s college enrollment has trailed women’s by double digits for four decades.

VCU counseling and identities

On its counseling services website is a Student Resources page listing 16 “identities” that link to resources for various groups. These include students who are veterans, Asian, first-generation, neurodivergent, parents, etc.

Each resource page lists services for struggling students who identify with that label. For example, under the Black and African American tab, VCU students will find counseling services specifically tailored to Black clients. Disabled students will find links to the school’s accessibility office and the campus Association of Students with Disabi…

Read more

In this monthly roundup of equal parenting news:

• Announcing: Virginia Commission for Boys and Men & Coalition

• New Danish data challenges assumption that unfair divorce leads to suicide

• Data-devoid WSJ article on 50/50 presumptions a relic of yesteryear

• Action items for Canadians

• 50/50 mentions in the wild

• 50/50 celebrities

Virginia Advisory Commission for Men and Boys announced

The big news!

I’ve been lending a hand to this very exciting effort of Democrats aim to create nation’s first legislative committee to address issues affecting males, including health, education, workforce development and family.

The effort was announced this week at a press conference lead by our Commonwealth’s House Speaker Don Scott, Democrat Party Chair Sen. Lamont Bagby, Del. Josh Thomas and others. Very hopeful signs this bill will be passed in 2026.

Awesome coverage from Associated Press, Richmond Times-Dispatch, ABC News:

Read more

I am very proud to have been part of the effort.

More details, media coverage and next steps:

Virginia Coalition for Boys and Men

Virginia Advisory Commission for Men and Boys announced

Yesterday Virginia Democrats announced an effort to create a legislative advisory committee for men and boys — the first ever in the country…

Read more

7 months ago · Emma Johnson

In parallel, we’re building Virginia Coalition for Boys and Men, a bipartisan, multi-discipline force working together to:

• Public-facing force to raise awareness of men and boy issues in Virginia

• Advise lawmakers with data-based recommendations

• Collaborate on research, media messaging and effective advocacy

• Build on the nationwide network of nonprofits, businesses, education, government and academics focused on serving boys and men

Please sign up there to get updates about this and other efforts in Virginia.

Know anyone in Virginia working on issues of specific concern to males, please introduce us.

Exciting times for all the work…

Read more

Data from a new study suggests the answer is no.

A new study found that single dads in Denmark have a markedly higher risk of early death from addiction, suicide and lung cancer.

This new information challenges the 50/50 parenting advocates’ assertion that unequal, sexist divorce laws rob men of their children and drive single dads to suicide. Here we see Danish single dads are among the most likely in the world have equal time with their kids and are still dying deaths of despair at rates much higher than that of single moms or married men.1

Writes journalist Stephanie H. Murray on Family Stuff:

Denmark is an interesting place to study the connection between family structure and parental health because it has the highest share of single parent households in Europe, and one of the lowest rates of single parent poverty among OECD countries.

For clarity, the authors distinguish between partnered parents (who never experienced single parenthood), …

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50/50 schedules when parents live apart is not just good for kids — it also closes gender pay and care gaps, not only for families who practice it, but society at large, studies find.

Old news: 50/50 parenting is good for kids

For decades, social scientists have studied various parenting schedules, and the evidence is compelling: Academic, social, emotional and dozens of other outcomes in children improve the closer the schedule is to a 50/50 split — when a child’s time is shared equally between mom and dad’s homes. Researchers know that schedule increases the likelihood of meaningful father involvement, lessens the children’s anxiety that they might lose contact with one parent (which is likely when the schedule is uneven), and increases the family, social and financial resources that come with having two meaningfully involved parents.

The science is robust: A 2023 meta-analysis of thirty-nine studies published between 2010 and 2022, with a …

Read more

Summary

The the article story is a smash-up of anecdotes from dads who wanted more time with their kids and women who claim they were abused by their husbands and won’t divorce for fear of having to co-parent with a violent man. The article contains no data on family violence trends in Kentucky or elsewhere but relies on unsubstantiated anecdotes. Long-term child outcomes are not considered, but divorce rates are feature prominently even though 43% of Kentucky children are born to unmarried parents.

The article ultimately advances the cause by failing to substantiate concerns about equal parenting presumptions and providing a platform for hundreds of comments that overwhelmingly support 50/50 presumptions.

Full disclosure of my biases here.

• The WSJ article was wr…

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In this monthly roundup of equal parenting news:

• The world is organically barreling towards 50/50 parenting. Are laws relevant?

• Male teacher shortage, a vision

• Would birth rates improve if divorce were fairer to men?

• Shoutouts re: gender equality advocacy

• Research news

  

Is the 50/50 movement obsolete?

Despite millions of dollars of research on how equal parenting schedules affect children, men, women and violence, and thousands of activists working to change laws, I don’t know anyone actively asking the questions:

How many separated parents share parenting time equally?

What is the time-sharing assumption for parents separating today?

In this post, I challenge my colleagues narrowly focused on law change. Evidence shows that in large swaths of the United States, judges, lawyers and everyday people adhere to a cultural presumption of 50/50 schedules when parents split. Why is the movement’s narrative stuck in the 1980s?

How can we study the giant shift…

Read more

Hang out on social media channels devoted to equal parenting activism, you would believe the majority of separated families are lawyered-up, alienating sociopaths at brutal war with benevolent exes, at the mercy of sexist, greedy judges. The answer, they believe, is to pass laws to guarantee a equal parenting presumption.

Meanwhile, there are large and growing swaths of the United States where 50/50 is the norm. In fact, sharing parenting time is so common in many places, parents there erroneously believe it 50/50 is the law in their state. Everyone just sharing parenting time equally, they post on social media and email me directly. They stay out of court, not even entertaining fighting for more parenting time. This is said with a shrug.

This is great news for the equal-parenting movement, right? If goal is the majority of parents sharing time equally when they don’t live together, we have either won or are close to winning.

Despite millions of dollars of research on how equal parenting schedules affect children, men, women and violence, and thousands of activists working to change laws, I don’t know anyone actively asking the questions:

How many separated parents share parenting time equally?

What is the time-sharing assumption for parents separating today?

In this post, I unpack:

Why we need to study actual 50/50 trends
5 years ago 15% of single parents did 50/50 (maybe)
50/50 is snowballing
How social norms change (25% is the magic number)
Why is 50/50 activism stuck in the past?
Alternatives to 50/50 laws
Equal parenting movement’s legacy
Poll: How many people do 50/50?

Why we need to study actual 50/50 trends

There are 11 million U.S. families with 24 million children in which parents live apart. The work we do is hugely important. It impacts those kids, parents, their grandparents, friends, communities today and for generations to come.

Arguably, everyone in the world is impacted by the equal parenting movement. Norms we help create today inform how people form families, procreate, date, marry.

We need to take this very seriously, be strategic, and data-driven.

I am often asked to advise on equal parenting bills. I share this advice that I have gleaned from testing countless messages to convince everyday people to adopt a 50/50 schedule:

50/50 schedules are now the norm in many places and will be everywhere very soon. If you don’t get on board, you will be a relic — and your state will be behind the rest of the country.

If we can quantify this and take it to lawmakers, the results could be powerful. No one wants be a legislative dork.

But, more importantly, if those with the resources — time, money, will — divert said resources away from due process and understand what is happening organically on the ground, in our communities, we will find opportunities to amplify that success. These might include social programs, judicial reform, public education — as I elaborate below.

5 years ago 15% of single parents did 50/50 (maybe)

Until the past few years, all the research on child outcomes in various family structures measured “shared parenting” in which kids spent a minimum of 30% of time with each parent, and primary custody, in which a kid spent less than that sum with a parent.

There simply weren’t enough families who shared parenting time 50/50 to measure it.

Today, that is different, and we do have dozens of studies that measure effects of 50/50 vs other schedules.

We do have a hint of how many U.S. separated families have equal parenting schedules:

About five years ago, as part of a doctoral thesis, equal parenting activist Casey Sowers surveyed more than 5,000 separated families nationwide and found that about 15 percent said their kids split their time between households 50/50.

Also five years ago I surveyed 2,270 single moms and 13 percent said they had 50/50 time-sharing arrangements.

There is no U.S. government data collected about how separated parents share time (in fact, that population is measured by zero-sum Census data, which erases 80% of separated dads, even though most either have a lot or some time with their kids — or want to). Courts do not track or report time-sharing orders. An estimated 97% of custody arrangements are decided outside court.

More of me on this topic at the 2025 Conference on Equal Shared Parenting in Lisbon:

50/50 is snowballing

Again, these polls are from a half-decade ago. The world is dramatically different today, technology transforms the world at ever-accelerating rates, and the positive change in custody trends is snowballing.

Each week my Google alerts blow up with mentions of celebrities with 50/50 schedules, single moms are aggressively forgoing child support to facilitate co-parenting, and mainstream mom blogs celebrate equal parenting after divorce. Taylor, the recently divorced star of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives pushed back on her own mother’s criticism for not having primary time with her kids. “Yeah, I do 50/50 like divorced people do,” she snapped. Duh.

In Canada, a recent article about family law noted: "Many divorced or separated parents are surprised to learn there is no presumption of equal parenting time in Canadian law."

I have been astonished by how quickly this change has taken hold.

When I was navigating my own separation in 2010-2012, not one single lawyer or judge in New York City where I lived mentioned a 50/50 schedule. I did not know one family in the whole world who had such an arrangement.

Fast forward to 2021 and I was invited to speak to a group of Manhattan matrimonial attorneys (a.k.a. family lawyers) to share my pitch for 50/50 presumptions. The group of was polite and asked a few questions, but they all agreed there was no need to convince them. “All the judges here are on the same page: ‘The schedule is 50/50 unless you convince me otherwise,’” they told me. “That is what we advise our clients.”

New York is not one of the six U.S. states with a rebuttable presumption of equal time sharing on its books, but within a mere decade, I observed that 50/50 went from near-zero part of family law culture to the assumption.

But … just how many separated families in New York City or New York State have 50/50 parenting schedules? How many came to that agreement on their own? Under the advice of an attorney? Ordered by a judge?

We have zero idea. No one is tracking or studying this.

This recent tweet sums up how quickly single-parent norms changed within a couple short generations, and everyone is struggling to keep up:

In summary:

1. Mass divorce in the 70s and 80s largely erased or demoted fathers in their children’s’ lives.
2. That generation vowed to do better.
3. Meanwhile, mass social change has been afoot recognizing the importance of gender equality of all, including for men.
4. Messaging about deadbeat or MIA dads and alienating moms read as out-of-touch as this is a diminishing norm.

More evidence from Reddit that 50/50 may be nearing or at a tipping point:

How social norms change (25% is the magic number)

There are countless ways social norms have changed for the better without the passing of laws. Examples:

Smoking in public. Public health campaigns, media coverage, and shifting cultural attitudes stigmatized smoking long before laws banned it everywhere.

Seatbelt use. Safety campaigns and public awareness shifted behavior even when enforcement was lax.

Gay rights. Public attitudes about queer people shifted towards general acceptance in the 1990s and 2000s thanks to media representation, public advocacy, and personal exposure long before same-sex marriage was constitutionalized in 2015.

Recycling. Everyday household recycling was normalized thanks to environmental messaging and public school education before municipal recycling laws were passed.

Of course social changes have happened without laws for the duration of the species’ existence. How can we use the wisdom of millennia of human experience and 100 years of social science to change social norms?

A good start is research on the science of change of Damon Centola, University of Pennsylvania professor whose book Change, How to Make Big Things Happen is based on his 2018 research that found that 25% is the tipping point at which fringe ideas become mainstream.

This Hidden Brain podcast episode is a good summary of the science of change:

So, if five years ago 15% of separated families practiced 50/50, how close are we to the point where this takes off on its own without effort?

Maybe, but we need to study it to understand it.

Why is 50/50 activism stuck in the past?

So, what is the story? Why aren’t we more successful?

Activists are stuck in their past

While I may be a subject matter expert and have the benefit of millions of annual data points from my social media platforms (primarily my content site, wealthysinglemommy.com, I am removed from the personal experience that brought me into this work. I don’t have much in common with most separated parents as I once did — certainly not moms and dads currently navigating the establishment of a custody schedule which is the prime opportunity to change that family’s lives — and influence everyone around them.

My experience was a long time ago, and in an era very different than today’s norms. My personal point of view is dated.

I am 48 and divorced 15 years ago.

I’m also white, educated and affluent. The highest percentages of separated parents are low-income people of color. The average age children’s parents divorce is 4 to 6 (depending on whether the parents were married or not) — making those parents on average much younger than I am now.

Worst part? I am one of the youngest voices in the movement. There are very, very few people of color enrolled in our efforts.

That is really, really important. Personal connection with the zeitgeist informs us what the issues are, helps us design programs to address change, talk the talk of the people who we aim to serve.

Instead, like many movements, many of us are overly informed by our own personal experience, and others in the movement who look like us. You had a really unfair divorce 20 years ago. But divorce courts are very different today — have you updated your narrative? An echo chamber is not productive — and can be dangerous.

The fact that the movement is so lacking in young parents tells me two things:

1. Our organizations and efforts don’t resonate with newly separated parents.

2. Young parents don’t see the need for the services we’re offering.

I see young single parents’ take on their own, less organized forms of activism: Forgoing child support, encouraging each other in co-parenting, taking to social media to challenge assumptions about Black fatherhood and more.

Co-parenting equally is arguably the most powerful form of 50/50 activism. Everyday people living 50/50 creates social norms and changes the fabrics of society.

Join me in amplifying these voices and experiences.

We’re obsessed with changing the law—and we’re really bad at it

Is the goal to get credit for passing laws, or is the goal to ensure the maximum number of kids grow up with both parents equally involved?

While 50/50 parenting is clearly sweeping the nation, there are certainly pockets — still the majority — where courts presume primary care with mothers, family court conflict is high and parents are frequently separated from their children based on false allegations.

The answer, activists in the equal-parenting community say, is law reform.

In fact, they have been saying the exact same thing for 50 years. Almost all of the activism to make 50/50 schedules a rebuttable presumption have been focused on changing laws and academic research. The former has a long way to go, while the latter is robust but poorly publicised.

After 50 years of U.S. equal parenting activism, there are six states with equal parenting laws on their books: Arizona, Kentucky, West Virginia, Arkansas, Missouri and Florida.

To be totally fair and appreciative: Activists have been successful in removing from state law nearly all the blatantly sexist language preferring women as primary caregivers.

A presumption of joint, equal legal custody has been the norm for decades.

Child support calculators are increasingly less punitive and fairer.

More public and private programs have arisen that focus on fatherhood as a priority, relieve child support arrears, and support dads being in their kids’ lives.

All this is important. But laws do not automatically equal actual change.

Take for example, Denmark where equal parenting time is presumed when parents separate, even though there are no equal parenting laws on their books. Also, let’s examine Arkansas which passed a very good equal parenting presumption law in 2013, which judges collectively overruled, until another, stronger bill was passed into law in 2021.

By most measures Kentucky has been a resounding success after passing a great equal parenting presumption law in 2017, with documented drops in both family court filings and related domestic violence allegations. However, recently a Kentucky mom commented on our Facebook page that most separated people she knows in her state do not actually share parenting time 50/50.

Again, no one is studying actual human habits, just focusing on the passing of a law.

Again, is the goal to get credit for passing laws, or is the goal to ensure the maximum number of kids grow up with both parents equally involved?

Alternatives to 50/50 laws

Law change is enticing for activists. After all, it is a public endeavor. Your horrible ex can see you on TV, your side of the story validated by the world. A powerful legislator might sympathize with your plight. There is a right and there is a wrong. We all have egos.

Social activism is far less glamorous. It happens behind the scenes. No one gets credit.

However, there are myriad powerful examples of how co-parenting culture was changed intentionally without any laws at all.

It is amazing what we can accomplish when you don’t care who gets credit.

Educate the judiciary

For years Arizona State University child psychologist William Fabricius educated court employees in his state about the benefits of equal parenting time. By the time activists proposed a 50/50 law in 2012, Arizona lawyers and judges had already adopted equal parenting schedules the norm. The bill sailed through, formalizing what was already commonplace.

How can we replicate Fabricius’s success?

A personal experience: a few years ago, I was invited to give a continuing education session to the local bar association in rural Pike County, Pa., by a friend who is a practicing lawyer there. “Yeah, judges and lawyers around here still mostly give the mom the majority of parenting time, but what you’re saying makes total sense,” he said when I told him about my work.

There were about a dozen of us in a room at the county courthouse, including lawyers and a custody magistrate who worked closely with the judges. My focus was on the benefits of equal time for kids, of course, but we also spent a lot of time discussing why shared parenting is good for women and gender equality and for stemming the male crisis. I told them that equal parenting is quickly becoming the norm and that everyone in that room really needed to get on board, like it or not.

A couple years later, I caught up with my friend, who confirmed that at least one judge in that county now strongly defers to a 50/50 parenting schedule when custody is in debate—a shift that has dramatically affected the counsel he and other local lawyers give clients. “We tell them that the judge works from a presumption of 50/50, so unless there is real abuse or a serious scheduling issue, they should work it out with the other parent. Usually, they do,” he told me. “The notion that the child benefits from permanence in one home has been dispelled.”

Hitch 50/50 co-parenting to larger trends

Younger men, women, and families inherently understand the benefits of equal parenting. After all, parents minor kids are now the product of a society that has struggled through at least three generations of mainstream divorce. We have a pretty good idea of what we want and what we don’t, and what we want is to avoid the fighting, missing our dads, and broke moms of our own childhoods. Even when people aim for a two-parent, heteronormative, married, and cohabiting home, it still looks very different than just one generation ago. Mainstream media is obsessed with dissecting gender norms for married parents.

Fifty-fifty parenting also aligns with other larger social trends at play: gender equality, family equality, love, and an inherent sense that kids and parents simply belong together.

For example, nearly all adoptions in the United States are open adoptions, keeping kids at least somewhat connected to their biological families—and those families connected to their children—to the benefit of all involved, studies find. Similarly, foster care today focuses on keeping kids with parents or relatives opposed to permanent placement with foster parents or in group homes.

Collectively, we agree that children and parents should not be separated at national borders (67% of all Americans find the practice unacceptable). The huge surge in popularity of genetics networks like 23andme.com and Ancestry.com has connected millions of biological relatives who yearned to know the deep tentacles of their family of origin. And finally the work of Richard Reeves and his American Institute for Men and Boys has unleashed a pent-up swell of attention for male struggles.

50/50 parenting fits naturally into a growing collective acceptance that genetic connection is primal, that male and female parents have equal responsibilities and rights and children benefit from both male and female parents.

Let’s be a thoughtful, productive part of these conversations that dominate much of our media and thoughtful conversations.

Everyday 50/50 conversations

I’ve learned that when you lay out the arguments in neutral, fair terms, skip your own sad story, and cite the research, 50/50 parenting is an easy sell. For example, my friend Hanna has heard me talk about my shared parenting work for years and had adopted my stance through osmosis. Recently, she told me about counseling a friend who was going through divorce:

Everyone around her—her mom and sister, her friends, her lawyer—all urged her to really take this guy down, get as much money as she could, and get the kids most of the time. He’d cheated, and everyone wanted to support her. And that meant to make him pay.

I told her, “Look, I know he’s a shitty husband, but you always say what a good dad he is. Why don’t you just do 50/50? I know you can’t see it now, but you’re going to want to date, and you need to get back to work now.” She ultimately agreed to a 50/50 schedule. That was a couple years ago.

She recently told me, “I’d never considered 50/50, and everyone but you encouraged me to do the opposite. Now, I can’t imagine parenting any other way.”

Rewriting the 50/50 parenting movement’s legacy

When, in 2020, I began my journey to focus on 50/50 parenting advocacy, I spent a lot of hours speaking with activists and academics and listening to the experiences of hundreds of moms, dads, and adult children contending with unfair and painful parenting situations. The more I learned, the harder it was to believe 50/50 was not widely accepted and enforced.

In addition to the heaps of research and common sense, the game of passing an equal-parenting law seemed to be ours to lose: National Parents Organization polls across genders, races, political beliefs, and geographic areas have found that more than 80 percent of those surveyed believe it is not only in a kid’s best interest to spend maximum time with each parent but they’d vote for a political candidate who supports equal parenting. How could we not pass more laws?!

What I found in these conversations was that for the more than 50 years since divorce became mainstream, mostly white, mostly politically conservative men worked to do away with sexist family laws and replace them with laws promoting a presumption of equal parenting time and fairer child support calculators. If you ask these activists today how the issue looks, most will decry a persistently unjust system that robs children of their fathers and punishes men. They blame greedy lawyers, corrupt politicians and judges, malicious women, and an absurdly woke culture that ignores facts in lieu of a dogma of female victimhood. Feminism is a leading enemy.

This angry rhetoric has tainted the movement. The anger and narrow demographic has certainly repelled many thoughtful people who could have been our allies. Very often when I talk about equal parenting, the very first response I get, even in casual conversations with strangers, is “Isn’t that the work of the men’s rights movement? Those guys who use the courts to abuse women?” Noses scrunch and mouths frown.

On one hand, I get the disgust. Attend a state legislative hearing about any family law matter and you will hear blathering testimony from belligerent parents. This is understandable, given the trauma of losing your children, yet plays poorly in the public theater. There is a dire lack of humility to acknowledge the skill and resources needed to get laws passed (lobbying and PR are bazillion-dollar-per-year industries populated by skilled experts, not DIY projects, guys!).

These activists are also usually tone-deaf to the fact that for the past twenty-plus years, media, politics, and our culture has clamored to—largely successfully—equalize the economics of gender in favor of women and racial minorities. White guys screaming about their victimhood simply has not played well before a state legislative hearing, no matter how right they may be. And speaking of victimhood, most of us are adults and realize that when it comes to personal relationships, there are at least two sides to every story. A public rambling narrative about how your ex did you wrong begs more questions about your role in the matter than it automatically damns the other party.

Such ham-fisted tactics only give megaphones to the powerful domestic violence activists and deep-pocketed bar associations who routinely oppose such laws with horror stories and misquoted studies—and win.

Time and again, they win and we lose.

It is time to turn this around. Let’s create a new legacy — one in which we do not amplify our suffering, but shine a light on the very beautiful, positive stories about whole communities where parents, lawyers and judges have organically moved to promote equality, good parenting and common sense. With these everyday normal parents no longer clogging the courts, struggling families can now be better served. These families are now the exception, and no longer the mainstay of our movement’s narrative.

But to tell that story we need the facts.

Poll: How many people do 50/50?

Let’s also get a taste of what you see in your community. Please take this poll:

What is the most common schedule in your community when parents separate TODAY?

A glimmer of hope!

National Parents Organization’s president Don Hubin agreed to include in a survey they often employ to include a question about citizens’ assumptions about parenting time when parents split up today. Thank you, NPO!

The debate arose between Jessica Grose, a New York Times columnist, and Richard Reeves, a leading men-and-boys advocate who wrote Of Boys and Men. Their back-and-forth centers on whether male teachers benefit boys — and if we should care.

Both miss the bigger picture: We need more male teachers from early childhood through high school for two reasons:

1. Everyone, including men, benefit when males are embraced and supported in caretaking and leadership of young people.

2. This is because men bring unique qualities to the world — including the classroom. Equality contributes to better outcomes far beyond grades.

• Background: Is the male teacher shortage real?

• Everyone wins with teacher gender equality

• More male teachers = improved U.S. education

• More male teachers = gender equality

• Solutions for increasing male teacher rates

  • Study male educators

  • Rebrand e…

Read more

No one has found a solution to declining birth rates in Western culture.

Cash incentives and tax deductions don’t work.

Right-wing lecturing on the value of marriage goes nowhere.

We can’t blame lack of social safety nets, as Northern European countries with the richest social benefits like universal health and child care and rich parental leave have among the lowest birth rates worldwide.

We need a deep culture change that helps young people feel safe in their instincts to embrace what both the literature finds and millennia of human experience proves out:

Child-rearing is the most satisfying of human experiences, and people who are parents are the happiest among us.

I have a working theory that researchers have yet to explore:

Read more

In this issue:

• Update on domestic violence and family court filings in KY

• Talk to me about male teacher rates

• Celebs who 50/50

• Good mainstream articles on equal parenting

I communicated with Kentucky’s Administrative Offices of the Courts (super-helpful, accessible to you, too), and updated the data on family court filings and domestic violence cases in relation that state’s equal parenting law, which passed in 2017:

Update on domestic violence and family court filings in Kentucky

In summary:

In 2017, the Kentucky legislature passed the country’s first presumption of equally shared parenting time when parents separate or divorce. What’s happened since that date has torpedoed arguments that a 50/50 presumption will increase family violence.

Between 2010 and 2024, the number of domestic violence claims filed alongside family court filings fell by 80%, even as Kentucky’s population grew. But this is not the whole story. Rates of family court filings involving claims of violence picked up …

Read more